Q's Cue

Chapter 12: The Heart's Intent

James awoke to the sound of voices outside.  He lifted his head from his knees and glanced at the wounded soldier beside him.  He and Quinn had spent the better part of the night setting the man’s broken femur.  It was tenuous work in highly unsterile conditions and with limited painkillers to relieve the man’s agony during the surgery; he was surprised to see that his patient had survived the night.  However, that didn’t assuage any trepidation that he had about the possible onset of infection.

He reached over to the young soldier and placed his hand on his forehead.  Small beads of sweat sat upon his brow, but the familiar burn of an infection’s fever was absent.  He let out a sigh and looked over at where the other Brotherhood of Steel member was and found it strangely vacant along with the small void where Quinn had finally rested beside him.  He cast his eyes to the door and the disembodied voices that emanated from outside.

James slowly stood, allowing the morning crackle of his knees to make their daily appearance.  He stretched his back, feeling the pull of his spine as he reached farther back.  He knew he was disheveled, dirty, and covered in blood.  He looked at his jacket and saw the numerous smatterings of blood across his clothes.  He grumbled to himself and started for the door.  

The morning sun greeted him with a blanket of thick grey fog along the ground.  The brisk air pricked his skin and the sour smell of death and decay was more pungent than he’d remembered from the previous night.  He shielded his eyes and scanned the avenue.  Three Brotherhood of Steel Knights stood to the right of him.  Their voices dropped in volume when they noticed him standing outside.

No one acknowledged him with pleasantries and continued their rather terse conversation with each other.  One nodded and he checked his rifle before turning to James.  The heavy steel helmet stared at him uncomfortably for a moment before the person underneath approached him.

“Is there something wrong, Doc?” a man queried.

James shook his head and looked in the direction they had traveled from the night before.  He glanced at his Pip-Boy to check the time and peered again to the east in the direction they were intending to go.

“Have you seen Quinn?” he finally asked.  

He looked the man directly in the eye with a frown, but maintained a cool, business-like tone with the stranger.  He didn’t want to come off worried for his daughter, but his distraction with obtaining his objective made his face easier to betray his emotions.

“She headed that way,” the Knight replied with a point to the west.  “She said she was going to find some medication for Holmes.”

“What about the man she was working on last night?  He should be checked out before we depart,” James stated; his eyes fixated across the bay where the Knight had pointed.

“I’m fine, sir,” another Knight replied from the group.

“I’m sure you think so, but I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t at least clear you before you go back,” James remarked with a stern look.

The Knight pulled his helm off.  A large bandage was wrapped snuggly around his head.  Small splotches of blood dotted the white fabric in dry chaotic circles.  He uttered something to another Knight and walked towards the doctor.  James waved him away from the group and stopped across the street.  “Confidentiality”, he told himself as he pulled his penlight out of his pocket.

He clicked it on and shined the light into the soldier’s eye.  First, his left and then the right.  He made two sweeps in silence before returning the pen to his pocket.  He let out a heavy sigh and began unraveling the gauze to check the sutures Quinn had placed.

“What are your intentions with my daughter?” he asked defensively.

The man’s eyes shot up to his, stunned by the question.  Even James seemed taken aback by the tone in which his question was asked.  He knew that his daughter would eventually find someone to become attached to, maybe possibly love, but not someone like him.  Not a person whose job was dangerous or where the group they worked with looked down on the locals so coldly.

He kept telling himself that she was a young woman and could make the decisions about her life without his input, but such words seemed to hide the bitter truth his heart wouldn’t accept: she was still his baby and no matter how many times he’d tried to tell himself that she didn’t need him anymore he always found his way back to the child that sat in the clinic watching him, eagerly learning about his job.

“Sir?” finally stuttered out after a full minute of shock.

“I’m just curious,” he said with feigned civility.  “Quinn can make her own decisions about those private matters on her own.  I trust her, she is my daughter.”  He slightly rotated his patient’s head to see the stitches better and swallowed hard to keep from overreacting.  “You, on the other hand, I don’t.”

“I understand,” he stated calmly.  “I wouldn’t hurt her, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Really?  Could you really protect her, keep her safe?” James snapped in frustration.  His hands shook as he placed a new pad of gauze to the wound and rewrapped it.  “I didn’t want her out here in the first place and the way I see things the Brotherhood –“ He looked around and saw a small figure coming up over the hill.  “You have your hands full taking care of D.C.”

“She’s not a child, sir,” the Knight muttered.

“Don’t you think I know that?  She might not be a child, but she’s my child,” James hissed.  “She’s all I have left and this is not the life I wanted her to have.  I know you can’t guarantee me her absolute safety…”

“How are you feeling, Colvin?” Quinn asked.  James could feel her eyes on him as he taped the end of the gauze down.  He almost didn’t want to look at her.  Any realizations about her being a woman, a sexual being, seemed to squeeze the blood from his heart.  A small fist emerged from her side and opened in front of her.  “I got some med-x for Initiate Holmes.”

James’ eyes followed the hand, up her arm, to her bloodstained flak jacket, and finally to her face.  He didn’t want the confirmation of the truth he already knew, even if meant constantly denying the illusion.  The internal struggle he had with his fatherly nature only faltered when he could no longer live with the sad delusions and harsh truths that stood before him.

He took the medication from her and let out a weak smile of appreciation.  He placed his hand on her shoulder and began to walk back to the makeshift bunker.  He gave a quick glance behind him and saw a sense of relief on his daughter’s face as she spoke with the soldier.  She seemed genuinely happy to see him doing well.  He looked to the other group and saw they were watching the exchange as well.  He would have nearly paid to see the expression on their faces at that moment, given what he knew about the Brotherhood, but he thought better of destroying the same peace he had when he looked at Catherine that Quinn had when looking at Colvin.

His pace quickened briefly and as he opened the door, one of the soldiers called to Colvin and told him that a small group of Knights was being dispatched to aid them back to the Citadel.  As he began to close the door, Colvin asked where they were headed.
“Rivet City,” Quinn replied. “After that…” Her voice trailed off and her eyes locked on his.  “I don’t know.”